Regrets
by SingBenihime
Summary: Remus returns from living with the werewolves with blood on his hands. Tonks/Lupin.


"I…I've…they…a monster…I'm a monster…" choked Lupin, his eyes fastened on a patch of wallpaper over Tonks' shoulder. Suddenly, he dropped his gaze and yanked his hair in a manic way. "What have I done? I…they…the children…!"

Tonks felt a knot tighten in her stomach; when she had asked what had been bothering him she hadn't expected…this. He hadn't told her anything yet, he hadn't been able to get his words out past the fury and anguish. She could hear the dark, self hating bitterness slip out in his words.

She had an inkling of what had happened though. But she needed him to say it; she wouldn't believe herself, or rather couldn't believe it.

"Remus, Remus," she coaxed, edging ever closer as if she were approaching a dangerous animal, (although she would never make that comparison out loud). Nervously, _warily_, she reached out a hand. Lupin turned abruptly, and slammed his hands on the table, curling them up into fists. There was a silence, only punctuated by Tonks' anxious shuffling. She waited.

Lupin grit his teeth. Slowly, he relaxed his arms and pushed himself away from the table. His back bent and his head low, he began to talk wearily. "Last night, the pack…the group, Greyback's group, was under orders to hunt, to pursue two young girls, as revenge for their rebellious parents. He called it 'teaching them a lesson'," He let out a breath halfway between a snort and a sigh. "I called it barbaric, so naturally, as Fate goes, I was instructed to join the hunt. To murder two little toddlers; no, to kill off their innocence."

There was another long pause.

Finally, "Oh Remus, you didn't…"

"I did, Nymphadora. I can assure you I did." Lupin lifted his head. His eyes seemed to bore into Tonks'. "I had the blood on my hands when I woke up."

"But…"

Now there was anger in Lupin's eyes. "I did what I had to, Nymphadora."

Tonks wavered. "Surely…Dumbledore could have done someth-…"

"If it's any comfort to you, we did not curse them. We killed them, yes, but we did not curse them," said Lupin. His voice was forcibly softer, as if this fact was meant to comfort Tonks. "Greyback got a bit too overexcited, and of course him being the alpha, we all followed." Perhaps he saw Tonks' horrified expression, or perhaps he just had to reassure himself that being dead was much better than being cursed. "Dora, it saved them from years of suffering. Had we bit them and been done with it, then those girls would have had to scream in agony twelve times a year for the rest of their lives. They would have had to put up with the scorn and hatred from strangers for doing absolutely nothing except living. They would have had to make sure not to fall with the wrong group, or not to bite anybody else; they would have had to chain themselves up. Dora, they were little girls. _Little girls_. I couldn't let them lead my life. I would be better off dead myself. Dora, I…"

A loud, resounding SLAP echoed around the room. Tonks steadied herself, her stinging palm still upon Remus' red cheek. A small, strangled gasp came from Lupin.

"Never," Tonks said, hurt evident in her voice, "And I mean _never_, say you'd be better off dead, Remus John Lupin. Never."

She wrapped her arms around Remus and held him tightly; she felt him stiffen, and then slowly relax into her embrace. He dropped his head on her shoulder and was silent; he was silent for the rest of the night.

Tonks didn't mind though; as long as he was with her, living, breathing…that was all she needed. All she had ever needed.

* * *

><p>;A; Oh Remus...<p>

A small drabble that kind of went over the 500 words mark, but I'm happy with it anyway (apart from the first couple of paragraphs - I'm not too happy with those)  
>Well, not <em>happy<em> happy, because this fic is kind of a downer :'C

I hope I captured their personalities right; it's the first time I've ever wrote Tonks. & the first time Remus has starred in a fic, in fact, it's my first HP fic ever. So I hope you'll forgive me if it's a bit...rubbish. :L

Constructive criticism is welcome, ofcourse~ C:

**Set during HBP **

**_'Harry Potter' _(c) J..  
>OUR GOD. <strong>


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